Memphis Simons

Left Forward - Excelsior
19 Sep 2038
Sunday
Process

Marked for Memphis Simons

616 Edition

The Excelsior Gazette

17 May 2038
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Squad

Quinten Kraaivanger damages knee ligaments — 94 days out

The words a physio says slowly. 94 days is what the club will announce and everybody who has heard this diagnosis before knows the number is the least of it: the knee comes back before the player does.

Market

Daniel Simon puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Excelsior, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

Tempers go at Excelsior

Remco Balk was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

In brief

Back issues
614 Edition

The Excelsior Gazette

3 May 2038
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Squad

Quinten Kraaivanger damages knee ligaments — 108 days out

The words a physio says slowly. 108 days is what the club will announce and everybody who has heard this diagnosis before knows the number is the least of it: the knee comes back before the player does.

Boardroom

Excelsior put Joel Janssen on notice

The board have said in public what they had been saying in private. Results between now and the next meeting decide it, and everybody in the building knows the arithmetic.

Market

Cristian Padula asks to leave Excelsior

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Squad

Cristian Padula says Excelsior went back on their word

“I was told what my role would be, and I signed on that basis. It has not happened.” A grievance with a date attached is the hardest kind to settle.

Boardroom

The Excelsior board call everybody in

Nothing has been announced and everybody understands what it means. A board that summons the whole football department on a Tuesday morning is a board that has stopped believing the problem will fix itself.

Squad

Kenneth Bergwijn breaks a bone — 18 days out

Brutal, unambiguous and, for all the horror of the moment, usually less career-shaped than the ligament everybody fears more. 18 days, a clean timeline, and a return date somebody can actually plan around.

In brief

611 Edition

The Excelsior Gazette

12 Apr 2038
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Squad

Kenneth Bergwijn breaks a bone — 41 days out

Brutal, unambiguous and, for all the horror of the moment, usually less career-shaped than the ligament everybody fears more. 41 days, a clean timeline, and a return date somebody can actually plan around.

Squad

Remco Balk in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Excelsior this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Squad

Cristian Padula falls out with a teammate over standards

The oldest argument in any dressing room and the only one that is genuinely about football: one man thinks another is not putting enough in. It is also the row a manager privately does not mind having happened.

In brief

605 Edition

The Excelsior Gazette

1 Mar 2038
From our football correspondent Crisis

Boardroom

Pressure builds in the Excelsior boardroom

The directors have stopped offering the manager public warmth. In football that is usually the stage before the short statement.

Match

A hiding for Excelsior

Beaten 1‑4 by Twente, and beaten everywhere it matters. The inquest starts on the training pitch on Monday morning.

Squad

A fracture rules Kenneth Bergwijn out for 86 days

Bones knit. That is the one merciful thing about this injury and the reason Excelsior will talk about it more openly than they would about a knee. He will be back, and roughly when they say.

Squad

A one-man rearguard from Calvin Raatsie

There were 7 saves in it, and at least three that had no business being saves at all. The ten outfield players owe him a drink and they know it.

Squad

Gyan de Regt has been here 12 seasons

155 appearances across 12 seasons in one shirt. Nobody builds a career like that on purpose any more; it happens to a certain kind of footballer at a certain kind of club.

Player ratings

Age has not caught Nesto Groen yet — 8.26

At 33 he is supposed to be managing his minutes. Instead he was marked 8.26 and looked, for ninety minutes, exactly like the player everybody remembers.

Squad

Remco Balk in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Excelsior this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Match

No end in sight to Excelsior's wait for a win

4 matches now without a victory, and the excuses have worn thinner than the patience. Somebody at Excelsior has to find a result from somewhere.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Yacqub Finey

Successful dribbles: 20. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

In brief

600 Edition

The Excelsior Gazette

25 Jan 2038
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Squad

Jay Amour breaks a bone — 49 days out

Brutal, unambiguous and, for all the horror of the moment, usually less career-shaped than the ligament everybody fears more. 49 days, a clean timeline, and a return date somebody can actually plan around.

Squad

Memphis Simons says Excelsior went back on their word

“I was told what my role would be, and I signed on that basis. It has not happened.” A grievance with a date attached is the hardest kind to settle.

Player ratings

A brace, and Thomas Smits takes the afternoon — 8.73

There is a particular kind of quiet from an away end watching one man score twice. Thomas Smits provided it, and the 8.73 beside his name is if anything generous to everybody else.

Player ratings

Derensili Sanches Fernandes, 36, rolls back the years — 8.34

There is an age at which every good afternoon gets described as a throwback, which is unfair and also accurate. 8.34 at 36, and nobody on the pitch was better.

Squad

Tempers go at Excelsior

Remco Balk was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Squad

Oussama Alou signs on for more

“Some decisions take a long time. This one took ten minutes, and most of that was finding a pen.” Oussama Alou and Excelsior agree another 1 years.

Match

Thomas Smits among the goals in a wild afternoon

6 goals in one match, Thomas Smits on the scoresheet, and a scoreline that will look like a misprint. Neutrals could not have asked more of Excelsior and Willem II.

Match

Honours even between Excelsior and Willem II

3‑3, and both dressing rooms will call it two points lost. A draw that asked plenty of questions and answered none of them.

Player ratings

Noah Naujoks will replay that one

1 error, one goal, and a night in front of the same three seconds. He will see it tonight, tomorrow and probably in February, and everybody who has played knows exactly which frame he keeps stopping on.

In brief

598 Edition

The Excelsior Gazette

11 Jan 2038
From our football correspondent Upbeat

Squad

A fracture rules Jay Amour out for 64 days

Bones knit. That is the one merciful thing about this injury and the reason Excelsior will talk about it more openly than they would about a knee. He will be back, and roughly when they say.

Player ratings

A brace, and Lennard Hartjes takes the afternoon — 10.00

There is a particular kind of quiet from an away end watching one man score twice. Lennard Hartjes provided it, and the 10.00 beside his name is if anything generous to everybody else.

Player ratings

Cristian Padula, 33, rolls back the years — 9.73

There is an age at which every good afternoon gets described as a throwback, which is unfair and also accurate. 9.73 at 33, and nobody on the pitch was better.

Squad

Memphis Simons gets the move he always wanted

Footballers are asked about their boyhood club so often that nobody listens to the answer. Memphis Simons has just signed for Excelsior, and for once the answer mattered.

Market

Seth Annink is on his way

The clubs have agreed terms, and what remains is formality: a medical, a photograph, a signature. Nobody at Excelsior is pretending he will be back in the shirt.

Squad

Tempers go at Excelsior

Remco Balk was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Squad

Lennard Hartjes falls out with a teammate over standards

The oldest argument in any dressing room and the only one that is genuinely about football: one man thinks another is not putting enough in. It is also the row a manager privately does not mind having happened.

Match

Excelsior get the job done against De Graafschap

A 4‑3 win over De Graafschap, earned rather than given, and the sort of afternoon that sends everyone home talking about next week instead of this one.

Match

7 goals as Excelsior and De Graafschap go for it

Defending was optional and nobody took up the option. 7 goals between Excelsior and De Graafschap, and not one of the people who paid to be there will ask for the money back.

In brief

545 Edition

The AZ Gazette

5 Jan 2037
From our football correspondent Triumph

Squad

A knee injury of the worst kind for Wouter Goes

41 days on the estimate, and a long, private, unglamorous year of a rehabilitation nobody watches. AZ lose a footballer; he loses considerably more than a season.

Squad

A fracture rules Jasper Hartog out for 101 days

Bones knit. That is the one merciful thing about this injury and the reason AZ will talk about it more openly than they would about a knee. He will be back, and roughly when they say.

Match

Whatever happens, AZ do not lose

13 games unbeaten now. Some were earned and some were survived, but a habit is forming — and habits are the hardest thing in football to play against.

Market

Bendegúz Kovács puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at AZ, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

Rayan Atikallah is named among the best

There are footballers who have a good season and footballers a season is remembered for, and the second kind get their names read out in a hall in the summer. AZ will be quietly delighted and privately nervous.

Squad

Mateo Chávez has been here 11 seasons

396 appearances across 11 seasons in one shirt. Nobody builds a career like that on purpose any more; it happens to a certain kind of footballer at a certain kind of club.

Market

AZ turn down Cambuur for Senna van Elst

The offer was not close and it was refused without much discussion. Whether the second one is refused as quickly is another matter.

Match

AZ are at home on the road

6 straight away victories. Sides that win away are usually sides that can defend and can counter, and the table has begun to reflect what those journeys have earned.

Market

Memphis Simons is on his way

The clubs have agreed terms, and what remains is formality: a medical, a photograph, a signature. Nobody at AZ is pretending he will be back in the shirt.

In brief