Steve Hoffman

Goalkeeper - Bidco United
16 Nov 2030
Saturday
Process

Marked for Steve Hoffman

219 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

7 Oct 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Hugo Perez asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Edwin Jumba was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Boardroom

Bidco United counting the cost

The accounts make uncomfortable reading. Wages first and ambition second is the order of business at Bidco United now.

Squad

The armband comes off Steve Hoffman

Bidco United will explain it as a decision about the team, and it may well be one. A dressing room has never once read it that way.

Squad

Salah El Nenny asks for a word with the manager

“I would rather say it to his face than read about it.” The meeting was requested by the player, which tells you most of what you need to know.

Squad

No hiding place for Albert Boakye

“I pick players who do the work. All of it.” No name was spoken; every camera still turned to Albert Boakye, and the manager let it.

In brief

Back issues
217 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

23 Sep 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Salah El Nenny asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Squad

Steve Hoffman shuts the door again

15 clean sheets and counting. Strikers leave this ground muttering his name, which is exactly how a goalkeeper measures a good season.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Edwin Jumba was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Match

Salah El Nenny sends Bidco United past Bandari

It finished 2‑0, and it was Salah El Nenny’s afternoon: on the scoresheet when it mattered, and the reason the points belong to Bidco United.

Player ratings

A masterclass from Salah El Nenny

Marked 8.08 — the sort of number a correspondent writes down twice to be sure. Everything he tried came off, and what he did not try was not worth trying.

Player ratings

Edwin Jumba shuts the door

Defensive actions: 18, and a clean sheet at the end of it. A centre-half's best afternoons look like nothing happening, which is precisely the point.

Squad

The manager makes an example of Akbar Tanjung

“If you cannot run for the shirt, somebody else will wear it.” No name was used and none was needed; every player in that room knew who it was for.

Player ratings

Nothing got past Prince Ndubuisi

Headers, blocks, tackles, interceptions — 14 of them, and not one goal behind him. The sort of performance that never makes a highlight reel and wins football matches.

Squad

Salah El Nenny finally opens his account

He wheeled away like a man who had been carrying it for months, because he had. Bidco United have their signing off the mark and one press-conference question retired.

In brief

215 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

9 Sep 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Hugo Perez puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

Steve Hoffman signs a new deal

“I never wanted to be anywhere else. There is unfinished business here.” Steve Hoffman commits to Bidco United for another 2 years.

Player ratings

Christopher Raila runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 22. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Edwin Jumba was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Boardroom

Bidco United counting the cost

The accounts make uncomfortable reading. Wages first and ambition second is the order of business at Bidco United now.

Squad

Another clean sheet for Steve Hoffman

14 shut-outs and counting. Goalkeepers are only noticed when they fail, and Steve Hoffman has given nobody the chance.

Squad

Salah El Nenny gets it from the manager

“Nobody here is above being told.” It was not said with a name attached, but the dressing room can count, and so can everybody who was listening.

Player ratings

Brayan Itende shuts the door

Defensive actions: 17, and a clean sheet at the end of it. A centre-half's best afternoons look like nothing happening, which is precisely the point.

Match

Point won or two lost for Bidco United?

Ninety minutes, no goals, and the argument started before the car park emptied: a point gained, or two thrown away against Sofapaka? Both sides of it will still be going on Thursday.

In brief

214 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

2 Sep 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Edwin Jumba hands in a written request

“I have nothing bad to say about this place. I just need to be somewhere else.” It is in writing now, which changes what Bidco United can pretend not to have heard.

Boardroom

Pressure builds in the Bidco United boardroom

The directors have stopped offering the manager public warmth. In football that is usually the stage before the short statement.

Market

Harun Kamau is on his way

The clubs have agreed terms, and what remains is formality: a medical, a photograph, a signature. Nobody at Bidco United is pretending he will be back in the shirt.

Squad

Steve Hoffman stays put

“The easiest signature of my career.” Steve Hoffman and Bidco United agree another 2 years, and the manager can plan around him rather than about him.

Squad

Salah El Nenny in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Player ratings

Prince Ndubuisi in the eights

A performance of 9.73 does not come along often, and when it does the rest of the team becomes scenery. He was magnificent.

Squad

Getting past Steve Hoffman has become the hardest job in the division

13 clean sheets and counting. Forwards used to back themselves here; now they shoot early, shoot wide, and look for somebody to blame.

Match

Prince Ndubuisi the difference as Bidco United beat Posta Rangers

Ask anyone on the way out what separated the sides and you will get one name: Prince Ndubuisi. 1‑0 against Posta Rangers, and the applause at the whistle was mostly his.

Player ratings

Newton Ochieng runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 17. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

In brief

211 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

12 Aug 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Hugo Perez puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Market

Bidco United turn down Nairobi United for Harun Kamau

The offer was not close and it was refused without much discussion. Whether the second one is refused as quickly is another matter.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Salah El Nenny was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Boardroom

Bidco United counting the cost

The accounts make uncomfortable reading. Wages first and ambition second is the order of business at Bidco United now.

Squad

Simon Munala gets it from the manager

“Nobody here is above being told.” It was not said with a name attached, but the dressing room can count, and so can everybody who was listening.

Squad

Luther Jali out for 41 days

The medical room confirms 41 days on the sidelines for Luther Jali, and a plan built around him now has to be rebuilt.

Squad

Getting past Steve Hoffman has become the hardest job in the division

12 clean sheets and counting. Forwards used to back themselves here; now they shoot early, shoot wide, and look for somebody to blame.

Player ratings

Baboucarr Jatta runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 15. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

Market

Bidco United sign Adam Tokindang, one for the future

Adam Tokindang is 18, and Bidco United have signed him for the player he will be rather than the one he is. The first team can wait; the point of a deal like this is the years it buys.

In brief

210 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

5 Aug 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Edwin Jumba asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Squad

Edwin Jumba in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Player ratings

A masterclass from Prince Ndubuisi

Marked 9.18 — the sort of number a correspondent writes down twice to be sure. Everything he tried came off, and what he did not try was not worth trying.

Market

Nairobi United watching Harun Kamau

The interest is real enough to have reached print. Bidco United have said nothing, which in a transfer window is its own kind of answer.

Match

Bidco United see off Tusker

Three points for Bidco United, 1‑0 the final word against Tusker in a contest settled by the finer margins.

Squad

Getting past Steve Hoffman has become the hardest job in the division

11 clean sheets and counting. Forwards used to back themselves here; now they shoot early, shoot wide, and look for somebody to blame.

Market

Bidco United buy the years ahead of Albert Boakye

He is 19, and the scouting reports agree on the only line that matters: the ceiling. Signings like this are lottery tickets written by professionals.

Market

A long bet from Bidco United on Timothy Okoth

He is 18, and nobody at Bidco United signed him for this season. Deals like this are judged in four years, by people who may not still be in the building.

Squad

Albert Boakye signs a new deal

“I never wanted to be anywhere else. There is unfinished business here.” Albert Boakye commits to Bidco United for another 3 years.

In brief

209 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

29 Jul 2030
From our football correspondent Crisis

Market

Salah El Nenny puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Salah El Nenny was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Match

Ulinzi Stars take the points off Bidco United

Beaten 0‑2, and beaten fairly. The manager kept his words short afterwards, which was probably wise.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Christopher Raila

Successful dribbles: 19. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

Market

Mara Sugar expected to open talks for John Kelwishi

Both sides expect a conversation in the coming days. Bidco United will name a price, and everything after that is arithmetic.

Squad

Costly mistake from Steve Hoffman

An error at the back is a moment; an error in goal is a goal. Steve Hoffman knows it, the crowd knew it instantly, and there was nobody behind him to make it anything else.

Squad

Harun Kamau gets it from the manager

“Nobody here is above being told.” It was not said with a name attached, but the dressing room can count, and so can everybody who was listening.

Player ratings

Off the pace: John Kelwishi

A mark of 5.24 tells the story without any need for embellishment. He will want the tape of this one quietly lost.

Market

The Simon Munala question follows Bidco United around

Every press conference now starts and ends the same way: with Simon Munala’s future. The manager has run out of new ways to say nothing.

In brief

208 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

22 Jul 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Timothy Njeru puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

Salah El Nenny in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Squad

Another clean sheet for Steve Hoffman

10 shut-outs and counting. Goalkeepers are only noticed when they fail, and Steve Hoffman has given nobody the chance.

Loan watch

Martin Karisa counts the days

“I watch every Bidco United game from here. That says everything about where my head is.” The loan at Gor Mahia runs its course, but his heart never made the trip.

Player ratings

A defender's afternoon for Prince Ndubuisi

Defensive actions: 15. He was first to everything and second to nothing, and the goalkeeper had an easy day because of it.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Newton Ochieng

Successful dribbles: 14. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

Squad

No hiding place for John Kelwishi

“I pick players who do the work. All of it.” No name was spoken; every camera still turned to John Kelwishi, and the manager let it.

Match

No goals between Bidco United and Kenya Police

Ninety minutes, two goalkeepers with clean gloves, and not one finish worth keeping. Kenya Police will be the happier side with the point.

Market

The Prince Ndubuisi talk will not go away

Another week, another link, another denial nobody quite believes. Bidco United know the market decides these things, not the back pages — but the back pages are louder.

In brief

205 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

1 Jul 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Amos Amuka asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Squad

Salah El Nenny signs a new deal

“I never wanted to be anywhere else. There is unfinished business here.” Salah El Nenny commits to Bidco United for another 3 years.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Edwin Jumba was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Baboucarr Jatta

Successful dribbles: 16. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

Squad

Getting past Steve Hoffman has become the hardest job in the division

9 clean sheets and counting. Forwards used to back themselves here; now they shoot early, shoot wide, and look for somebody to blame.

Market

Posta Rangers are about to pick up the phone

A conversation is coming this week. Bidco United will put a number on him, and from there it stops being football and becomes arithmetic.

Market

Bidco United buy the years ahead of Salah El Nenny

He is 20, and the scouting reports agree on the only line that matters: the ceiling. Signings like this are lottery tickets written by professionals.

Match

Bidco United and Kariobangi Sharks take a point apiece

It finished 1‑1, and it somehow always looked like it would. One of those afternoons where the table moves less than the tempers.

Squad

Salah El Nenny knocks on the manager's door

“It had gone on long enough. I would rather have it out than leave it sitting there.” Ten minutes behind a closed door at Bidco United, and both men came out saying it was fine.

In brief

204 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

24 Jun 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Saleh Mbainaissem puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

Newton Ochieng stays put

“The easiest signature of my career.” Newton Ochieng and Bidco United agree another 3 years, and the manager can plan around him rather than about him.

Market

Posta Rangers watching Harun Kamau

The interest is real enough to have reached print. Bidco United have said nothing, which in a transfer window is its own kind of answer.

Squad

Newton Ochieng in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Player ratings

Prince Ndubuisi in the eights

A performance of 8.67 does not come along often, and when it does the rest of the team becomes scenery. He was magnificent.

Squad

The manager makes an example of Edwin Jumba

“If you cannot run for the shirt, somebody else will wear it.” No name was used and none was needed; every player in that room knew who it was for.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Newton Ochieng

Successful dribbles: 16. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

Squad

Steve Hoffman lets one through his hands

A defender's mistake gets tidied up by somebody else; a goalkeeper's ends up in the net. He knew before the ball crossed the line, and so did everybody in the ground.

Match

Honours even between Bidco United and Mara Sugar

2‑2, and both dressing rooms will call it two points lost. A draw that asked plenty of questions and answered none of them.

In brief

203 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

17 Jun 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Squad

A one-man rearguard from Steve Hoffman

There were 11 saves in it, and at least three that had no business being saves at all. The ten outfield players owe him a drink and they know it.

Market

Hugo Perez hands in a written request

“I have nothing bad to say about this place. I just need to be somewhere else.” It is in writing now, which changes what Bidco United can pretend not to have heard.

Boardroom

Bidco United counting the cost

The accounts make uncomfortable reading. Wages first and ambition second is the order of business at Bidco United now.

Match

Christopher Raila sends Bidco United past KCB

It finished 3‑1, and it was Christopher Raila’s afternoon: on the scoresheet when it mattered, and the reason the points belong to Bidco United.

Player ratings

One of those days for Christopher Raila

There is a version of this player everybody suspected was in there, and on this evidence it is. 9.01, and no argument anywhere in the ground.

Player ratings

Simon Munala in the eights

A performance of 8.05 does not come along often, and when it does the rest of the team becomes scenery. He was magnificent.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Akbar Tanjung was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Loan watch

Martin Karisa has seen enough of Gor Mahia

“I am grateful for the games, but I did not become a footballer to be somebody else's spare part.” He wants to be at Bidco United, and 0 appearances in 0 say he has earned the hearing.

Squad

The manager makes an example of Luther Jali

“If you cannot run for the shirt, somebody else will wear it.” No name was used and none was needed; every player in that room knew who it was for.

In brief

201 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

3 Jun 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Edwin Jumba hands in a written request

“I have nothing bad to say about this place. I just need to be somewhere else.” It is in writing now, which changes what Bidco United can pretend not to have heard.

Squad

Emmanuel Lwangu in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Market

Martin Karisa attracts admirers

The name of Martin Karisa has come up in conversations Bidco United were not part of. Nothing formal, nothing signed — but nothing about it accidental either.

Squad

The manager makes an example of Simon Munala

“If you cannot run for the shirt, somebody else will wear it.” No name was used and none was needed; every player in that room knew who it was for.

Player ratings

Nothing got past Prince Ndubuisi

Headers, blocks, tackles, interceptions — 19 of them, and not one goal behind him. The sort of performance that never makes a highlight reel and wins football matches.

Squad

Steve Hoffman shuts the door again

9 clean sheets and counting. Strikers leave this ground muttering his name, which is exactly how a goalkeeper measures a good season.

Player ratings

A defender's afternoon for Edwin Jumba

Defensive actions: 14. He was first to everything and second to nothing, and the goalkeeper had an easy day because of it.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Christopher Raila

Successful dribbles: 13. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

Match

Bidco United and Gor Mahia cancel each other out

Nil-nil, and few chances worth the name. Gor Mahia came to defend and left with exactly what they came for.

In brief

200 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

27 May 2030
From our football correspondent Crisis

Squad

Steve Hoffman keeps Bidco United in it on his own

Some afternoons a goalkeeper is the team. 8 saves, several of them the sort nobody expects to see stopped, and a scoreline that flatters everybody in front of him.

Market

Rizky Syahputra asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Squad

Wycliffe Nthata keeps the receipts

“I remember the meeting. I remember exactly what was promised in it.” Bidco United may remember it differently, which is precisely the problem.

Match

Bidco United come up short against Bandari

Bandari left with the points after a 1‑2 defeat that will take some explaining on the terraces.

Squad

Thomas Wainaina gets it from the manager

“Nobody here is above being told.” It was not said with a name attached, but the dressing room can count, and so can everybody who was listening.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Francis Chege was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Newton Ochieng

Successful dribbles: 14. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

Market

The Simon Munala talk will not go away

Another week, another link, another denial nobody quite believes. Bidco United know the market decides these things, not the back pages — but the back pages are louder.

Player ratings

A day to forget for Francis Chege

Marked 5.79, and generously at that. Nothing came off, and by the end the crowd had stopped expecting it to.

In brief

199 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

20 May 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Saleh Mbainaissem asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Player ratings

Prince Ndubuisi in the eights

A performance of 9.94 does not come along often, and when it does the rest of the team becomes scenery. He was magnificent.

Squad

Emmanuel Lwangu in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Boardroom

Bidco United counting the cost

The accounts make uncomfortable reading. Wages first and ambition second is the order of business at Bidco United now.

Match

Bidco United see off APS Bomet

Three points for Bidco United, 1‑0 the final word against APS Bomet in a contest settled by the finer margins.

Player ratings

Nothing got past Akbar Tanjung

Headers, blocks, tackles, interceptions — 19 of them, and not one goal behind him. The sort of performance that never makes a highlight reel and wins football matches.

Player ratings

Nothing got past Edwin Jumba

Headers, blocks, tackles, interceptions — 19 of them, and not one goal behind him. The sort of performance that never makes a highlight reel and wins football matches.

Player ratings

One of those days for Simon Munala

There is a version of this player everybody suspected was in there, and on this evidence it is. 8.16, and no argument anywhere in the ground.

Squad

No hiding place for Hugo Perez

“I pick players who do the work. All of it.” No name was spoken; every camera still turned to Hugo Perez, and the manager let it.

In brief

198 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

13 May 2030
From our football correspondent Crisis

Match

10 matches without a win for Bidco United

The run now stands at 10, and the questions being asked around Bidco United are no longer polite ones.

Match

The cup run ends for Bidco United

0‑2 against Kakamega Homeboyz, and the road stops here. Cup exits are quick deaths — no second leg, no next week, just the league from now until May.

The terraces

The boos come down from three sides

“We pay for this every fortnight. The least we want is somebody who looks like he cares.” 7 of the 31 senior players walked off into it; the rest were not playing.

Market

Kenneth Ochieng asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Market

Only the photograph left for Martin Karisa

Fee agreed, terms agreed, medical booked. Martin Karisa will be somebody else’s player by the weekend, and around Bidco United the goodbyes have quietly begun.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Emmanuel Lwangu was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Match

Sofapaka take the points off Bidco United

Beaten 1‑2, and beaten fairly. The manager kept his words short afterwards, which was probably wise.

Squad

The manager makes an example of Steve Hoffman

“If you cannot run for the shirt, somebody else will wear it.” No name was used and none was needed; every player in that room knew who it was for.

Player ratings

A masterclass from Christopher Raila

Marked 8.16 — the sort of number a correspondent writes down twice to be sure. Everything he tried came off, and what he did not try was not worth trying.

In brief

197 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

6 May 2030
From our football correspondent Crisis

Match

The wait goes on for Bidco United

8 without a win now, and the ground has developed the special quiet of a crowd that expects the worst. One scrappy 1-0 would cure most of it; that is the maddening part.

Market

Edwin Jumba asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Squad

Simon Munala stays put

“The easiest signature of my career.” Simon Munala and Bidco United agree another 3 years, and the manager can plan around him rather than about him.

Match

Bidco United come up short against Posta Rangers

Posta Rangers left with the points after a 0‑1 defeat that will take some explaining on the terraces.

Squad

Baboucarr Jatta in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Player ratings

Sello Jaftha runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 15. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

Squad

John Kelwishi gets it from the manager

“Nobody here is above being told.” It was not said with a name attached, but the dressing room can count, and so can everybody who was listening.

Squad

Getting past Steve Hoffman has become the hardest job in the division

7 clean sheets and counting. Forwards used to back themselves here; now they shoot early, shoot wide, and look for somebody to blame.

Market

The Thomas Wainaina story refuses to die

It has been denied twice and printed three times, which is the usual arithmetic. Until Thomas Wainaina signs something — a contract at Bidco United or anywhere else — this column belongs to him.

In brief

196 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

29 Apr 2030
From our football correspondent Crisis

Match

7 matches without a win for Bidco United

The run now stands at 7, and the questions being asked around Bidco United are no longer polite ones.

Market

Timothy Njeru asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Squad

Edwin Jumba in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Squad

No hiding place for Simon Munala

“I pick players who do the work. All of it.” No name was spoken; every camera still turned to Simon Munala, and the manager let it.

Match

A bad afternoon for Bidco United against Kakamega Homeboyz

0‑1 to Kakamega Homeboyz, and no complaints worth printing. The performance asked for nothing more than it got.

Player ratings

Newton Ochieng runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 17. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

Market

The Christopher Raila question follows Bidco United around

Every press conference now starts and ends the same way: with Christopher Raila’s future. The manager has run out of new ways to say nothing.

Player ratings

A day to forget for Simon Munala

Marked 5.60, and generously at that. Nothing came off, and by the end the crowd had stopped expecting it to.

Player ratings

A day to forget for Amos Rupia

Marked 5.77, and generously at that. Nothing came off, and by the end the crowd had stopped expecting it to.

In brief

194 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

15 Apr 2030
From our football correspondent Crisis

Squad

Steve Hoffman keeps Bidco United in it on his own

Some afternoons a goalkeeper is the team. 6 saves, several of them the sort nobody expects to see stopped, and a scoreline that flatters everybody in front of him.

Market

Hugo Perez asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Match

5 matches without a win for Bidco United

The run now stands at 5, and the questions being asked around Bidco United are no longer polite ones.

Market

Only the photograph left for Martin Karisa

Fee agreed, terms agreed, medical booked. Martin Karisa will be somebody else’s player by the weekend, and around Bidco United the goodbyes have quietly begun.

Match

Prince Ndubuisi’s goal not enough for Bidco United

Prince Ndubuisi scored, and precious little else went right: 1‑2 to AFC Leopards, and a quiet walk to the dressing room.

Player ratings

Prince Ndubuisi in the eights

A performance of 8.69 does not come along often, and when it does the rest of the team becomes scenery. He was magnificent.

Squad

No hiding place for Thomas Wainaina

“I pick players who do the work. All of it.” No name was spoken; every camera still turned to Thomas Wainaina, and the manager let it.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Baboucarr Jatta

Successful dribbles: 17. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Baboucarr Jatta was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

In brief

193 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

8 Apr 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Edwin Jumba hands in a written request

“I have nothing bad to say about this place. I just need to be somewhere else.” It is in writing now, which changes what Bidco United can pretend not to have heard.

Match

The wait goes on for Bidco United

4 without a win now, and the ground has developed the special quiet of a crowd that expects the worst. One scrappy 1-0 would cure most of it; that is the maddening part.

Squad

Hugo Perez wants to go home

“I have given this everything, but my family is not here and neither am I, not really.” A footballer can be coached out of bad form. Nobody has ever been coached out of this, and Bidco United know it.

Squad

Francis Chege in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Player ratings

Baboucarr Jatta runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 15. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

Boardroom

Wages eat 86% of everything Bidco United earn

There is a figure at which a wage bill stops being ambitious and becomes the reason nothing else is possible, and this club has reached it. Nothing is left over for a transfer, a stand or a rainy afternoon.

Squad

Steve Hoffman shuts the door again

7 clean sheets and counting. Strikers leave this ground muttering his name, which is exactly how a goalkeeper measures a good season.

Squad

The manager makes an example of Harun Kamau

“If you cannot run for the shirt, somebody else will wear it.” No name was used and none was needed; every player in that room knew who it was for.

Player ratings

A defender's afternoon for Francis Chege

Defensive actions: 14. He was first to everything and second to nothing, and the goalkeeper had an easy day because of it.

In brief

192 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

1 Apr 2030
From our football correspondent Crisis

Market

Wycliffe Nthata hands in a written request

“I have nothing bad to say about this place. I just need to be somewhere else.” It is in writing now, which changes what Bidco United can pretend not to have heard.

Match

A bad afternoon for Bidco United against Ulinzi Stars

0‑1 to Ulinzi Stars, and no complaints worth printing. The performance asked for nothing more than it got.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

John Kelwishi was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Squad

Costly mistake from Steve Hoffman

An error at the back is a moment; an error in goal is a goal. Steve Hoffman knows it, the crowd knew it instantly, and there was nobody behind him to make it anything else.

Player ratings

Christopher Raila runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 15. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

Squad

No hiding place for John Kelwishi

“I pick players who do the work. All of it.” No name was spoken; every camera still turned to John Kelwishi, and the manager let it.

Squad

Simon Munala asks for a word with the manager

“I would rather say it to his face than read about it.” The meeting was requested by the player, which tells you most of what you need to know.

Market

The Christopher Raila question follows Bidco United around

Every press conference now starts and ends the same way: with Christopher Raila’s future. The manager has run out of new ways to say nothing.

Player ratings

John Kelwishi never got going

5.62 on the card. Some afternoons a footballer looks like a man who has only just been introduced to the game, and this was one of them.

In brief

190 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

18 Mar 2030
From our football correspondent Steady

Market

Saleh Mbainaissem puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Market

Martin Karisa is on his way

The clubs have agreed terms, and what remains is formality: a medical, a photograph, a signature. Nobody at Bidco United is pretending he will be back in the shirt.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Baboucarr Jatta was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Squad

Saleh Mbainaissem wants to go home

“I have given this everything, but my family is not here and neither am I, not really.” A footballer can be coached out of bad form. Nobody has ever been coached out of this, and Bidco United know it.

Player ratings

A defender's afternoon for Thomas Wainaina

Defensive actions: 15. He was first to everything and second to nothing, and the goalkeeper had an easy day because of it.

Squad

Wycliffe Nthata gets it from the manager

“Nobody here is above being told.” It was not said with a name attached, but the dressing room can count, and so can everybody who was listening.

Player ratings

Prince Ndubuisi shuts the door

Defensive actions: 14, and a clean sheet at the end of it. A centre-half's best afternoons look like nothing happening, which is precisely the point.

Player ratings

Simon Munala runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 13. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

Squad

Getting past Steve Hoffman has become the hardest job in the division

6 clean sheets and counting. Forwards used to back themselves here; now they shoot early, shoot wide, and look for somebody to blame.

In brief

189 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

11 Mar 2030
From our football correspondent Steady

Squad

A one-man rearguard from Steve Hoffman

There were 10 saves in it, and at least three that had no business being saves at all. The ten outfield players owe him a drink and they know it.

Market

Luis Cordova hands in a written request

“I have nothing bad to say about this place. I just need to be somewhere else.” It is in writing now, which changes what Bidco United can pretend not to have heard.

Player ratings

Nothing got past Prince Ndubuisi

Headers, blocks, tackles, interceptions — 23 of them, and not one goal behind him. The sort of performance that never makes a highlight reel and wins football matches.

Player ratings

A defender's afternoon for Edwin Jumba

Defensive actions: 21. He was first to everything and second to nothing, and the goalkeeper had an easy day because of it.

Player ratings

One of those days for Baboucarr Jatta

There is a version of this player everybody suspected was in there, and on this evidence it is. 8.98, and no argument anywhere in the ground.

Match

Bidco United see off Mathare United

Three points for Bidco United, 1‑0 the final word against Mathare United in a contest settled by the finer margins.

Squad

Harun Kamau stays put

“The easiest signature of my career.” Harun Kamau and Bidco United agree another 3 years, and the manager can plan around him rather than about him.

Squad

Wycliffe Nthata in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Squad

Francis Chege gets it from the manager

“Nobody here is above being told.” It was not said with a name attached, but the dressing room can count, and so can everybody who was listening.

In brief

186 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

18 Feb 2030
From our football correspondent Crisis

Squad

A one-man rearguard from Steve Hoffman

There were 6 saves in it, and at least three that had no business being saves at all. The ten outfield players owe him a drink and they know it.

Market

Kenneth Ochieng puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Market

Martin Karisa is on his way

The clubs have agreed terms, and what remains is formality: a medical, a photograph, a signature. Nobody at Bidco United is pretending he will be back in the shirt.

Player ratings

Christopher Raila runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 19. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

Match

A bad afternoon for Bidco United against KCB

0‑1 to KCB, and no complaints worth printing. The performance asked for nothing more than it got.

Squad

The manager makes an example of Emmanuel Lwangu

“If you cannot run for the shirt, somebody else will wear it.” No name was used and none was needed; every player in that room knew who it was for.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Baboucarr Jatta was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Squad

Amos Rupia stays put

“The easiest signature of my career.” Amos Rupia and Bidco United agree another 3 years, and the manager can plan around him rather than about him.

Market

The Simon Munala story refuses to die

It has been denied twice and printed three times, which is the usual arithmetic. Until Simon Munala signs something — a contract at Bidco United or anywhere else — this column belongs to him.

In brief

185 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

11 Feb 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Squad

A one-man rearguard from Steve Hoffman

There were 7 saves in it, and at least three that had no business being saves at all. The ten outfield players owe him a drink and they know it.

Market

Luis Cordova hands in a written request

“I have nothing bad to say about this place. I just need to be somewhere else.” It is in writing now, which changes what Bidco United can pretend not to have heard.

Squad

Christopher Raila signs on for more

“Some decisions take a long time. This one took ten minutes, and most of that was finding a pen.” Christopher Raila and Bidco United agree another 4 years.

Match

Simon Munala sends Bidco United past Shabana

It finished 1‑0, and it was Simon Munala’s afternoon: on the scoresheet when it mattered, and the reason the points belong to Bidco United.

Player ratings

Simon Munala in the eights

A performance of 8.10 does not come along often, and when it does the rest of the team becomes scenery. He was magnificent.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

John Kelwishi was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Market

The Martin Karisa conversation is coming

Everyone has stopped pretending: Mara Sugar will make the call about Martin Karisa this week. Bidco United have a number in mind, and the number is not shy.

Squad

The manager makes an example of Francis Chege

“If you cannot run for the shirt, somebody else will wear it.” No name was used and none was needed; every player in that room knew who it was for.

Player ratings

Prince Ndubuisi shuts the door

Defensive actions: 14, and a clean sheet at the end of it. A centre-half's best afternoons look like nothing happening, which is precisely the point.

In brief

184 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

4 Feb 2030
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Match

The wait goes on for Bidco United

9 without a win now, and the ground has developed the special quiet of a crowd that expects the worst. One scrappy 1-0 would cure most of it; that is the maddening part.

Market

Edwin Jumba asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Squad

Steve Hoffman signs a new deal

“I never wanted to be anywhere else. There is unfinished business here.” Steve Hoffman commits to Bidco United for another 2 years.

Market

John Kamau is a Bidco United player again

He left as a boy and has come back still knowing where the away end is. Most signings have to be explained to a town; this one needed a photograph and nothing else.

Market

As if he never left: Victor Kamau returns

Some transfers need a press campaign. This one needed a shirt with the old number on it. Victor Kamau is a Bidco United player again, and the town has its story of the summer.

Market

Amos Amuka comes home

The shirt still fits. Amos Amuka is back at Bidco United, and half the ground remembers him in these colours already. Some signings need selling to the town; this one sold itself.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Edwin Jumba was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Player ratings

Nothing got past Prince Ndubuisi

Headers, blocks, tackles, interceptions — 18 of them, and not one goal behind him. The sort of performance that never makes a highlight reel and wins football matches.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Christopher Raila

Successful dribbles: 14. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

In brief

165 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

24 Sep 2029
From our football correspondent Crisis

Match

No end in sight to Bidco United's wait for a win

8 matches now without a victory, and the excuses have worn thinner than the patience. Somebody at Bidco United has to find a result from somewhere.

Market

John Kelwishi puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

The terraces

The boos come down from three sides

“We pay for this every fortnight. The least we want is somebody who looks like he cares.” 6 of the 30 senior players walked off into it; the rest were not playing.

Market

Clinton Asiago is on his way

The clubs have agreed terms, and what remains is formality: a medical, a photograph, a signature. Nobody at Bidco United is pretending he will be back in the shirt.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Simon Munala was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Match

Bandari take the points off Bidco United

Beaten 0‑1, and beaten fairly. The manager kept his words short afterwards, which was probably wise.

Squad

No hiding place for Emmanuel Lwangu

“I pick players who do the work. All of it.” No name was spoken; every camera still turned to Emmanuel Lwangu, and the manager let it.

Squad

Ilisoni Tuinawaivuvu signs a new deal

“I never wanted to be anywhere else. There is unfinished business here.” Ilisoni Tuinawaivuvu commits to Bidco United for another 1 years.

Player ratings

Christopher Raila runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 15. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

In brief

164 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

17 Sep 2029
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Emmanuel Lwangu hands in a written request

“I have nothing bad to say about this place. I just need to be somewhere else.” It is in writing now, which changes what Bidco United can pretend not to have heard.

Match

7 matches without a win for Bidco United

The run now stands at 7, and the questions being asked around Bidco United are no longer polite ones.

Squad

Steve Hoffman keeps Bidco United in it on his own

Some afternoons a goalkeeper is the team. 7 saves, several of them the sort nobody expects to see stopped, and a scoreline that flatters everybody in front of him.

Market

Klinsman Omulanga is on his way

The clubs have agreed terms, and what remains is formality: a medical, a photograph, a signature. Nobody at Bidco United is pretending he will be back in the shirt.

Squad

Pentjie Zulu out for 22 days

The medical room confirms 22 days on the sidelines for Pentjie Zulu, and a plan built around him now has to be rebuilt.

Squad

Simon Munala in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Player ratings

Thomas Wainaina shuts the door

Defensive actions: 19, and a clean sheet at the end of it. A centre-half's best afternoons look like nothing happening, which is precisely the point.

Boardroom

123% of the income goes out in wages at Bidco United

Every club in football pays most of what it earns to its players. Paying nearly all of it is a different arrangement, and it has ended the same way every time somebody has tried it.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Christopher Raila

Successful dribbles: 15. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

In brief

161 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

27 Aug 2029
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Squad

A one-man rearguard from Steve Hoffman

There were 8 saves in it, and at least three that had no business being saves at all. The ten outfield players owe him a drink and they know it.

Market

Klinsman Omulanga asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Match

4 matches without a win for Bidco United

The run now stands at 4, and the questions being asked around Bidco United are no longer polite ones.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Simon Munala was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Player ratings

Sello Jaftha in the eights

A performance of 8.61 does not come along often, and when it does the rest of the team becomes scenery. He was magnificent.

Market

Mara Sugar are about to pick up the phone

A conversation is coming this week. Bidco United will put a number on him, and from there it stops being football and becomes arithmetic.

Match

Bidco United and Kakamega Homeboyz take a point apiece

It finished 1‑1, and it somehow always looked like it would. One of those afternoons where the table moves less than the tempers.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Christopher Raila

Successful dribbles: 13. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

Market

Thomas Wainaina linked with a move away

The name of Thomas Wainaina keeps appearing in other people's back pages. Bidco United say nothing, which says plenty.

In brief

159 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

13 Aug 2029
From our football correspondent Crisis

Match

A hiding for Bidco United

Beaten 0‑4 by AFC Leopards, and beaten everywhere it matters. The inquest starts on the training pitch on Monday morning.

Market

John Kelwishi asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Squad

Steve Hoffman keeps Bidco United in it on his own

Some afternoons a goalkeeper is the team. 6 saves, several of them the sort nobody expects to see stopped, and a scoreline that flatters everybody in front of him.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Simon Munala was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Squad

Thomas Wainaina gets it from the manager

“Nobody here is above being told.” It was not said with a name attached, but the dressing room can count, and so can everybody who was listening.

Market

Joseph Kahata attracts admirers

The name of Joseph Kahata has come up in conversations Bidco United were not part of. Nothing formal, nothing signed — but nothing about it accidental either.

Player ratings

Christopher Raila runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 17. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

Boardroom

Doors closed at Bidco United

The music was off and the showers ran late. What was said in that dressing room stays there, but Saturday will publish the minutes.

Boardroom

The numbers do not look good at Bidco United

Wages have outrun income and the accountants have started attending meetings they used to send apologies to. Ambition comes second in a season like this.

In brief

158 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

6 Aug 2029
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Thomas Wainaina puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

Simon Munala in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Market

KCB join the queue for Clinton Asiago

Add another name to the list: KCB have asked the question everybody in the game has been asking about Clinton Asiago. The answer from Bidco United has not changed — yet.

Squad

Bidco United count the cost of losing Clinton Asiago

38 days, the scan says, and scans are kinder than reality. The fixtures in that window have just become somebody else’s job.

Squad

No hiding place for Steve Hoffman

“I pick players who do the work. All of it.” No name was spoken; every camera still turned to Steve Hoffman, and the manager let it.

Squad

Newton Ochieng signs a new deal

“I never wanted to be anywhere else. There is unfinished business here.” Newton Ochieng commits to Bidco United for another 3 years.

Match

Honours even between Bidco United and Tusker

1‑1, and both dressing rooms will call it two points lost. A draw that asked plenty of questions and answered none of them.

The terraces

Everybody has an opinion about Steve Hoffman

He is the name in every column and on every phone-in, which is a heavy thing to carry at any age. Some footballers thrive on it; others are quietly finished by it.

Market

Simon Munala linked with a move away

The name of Simon Munala keeps appearing in other people's back pages. Bidco United say nothing, which says plenty.

In brief

156 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

23 Jul 2029
From our football correspondent Crisis

Market

Francis Chege puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

Bidco United lose Pentjie Zulu

78 days, the medical staff say, and medical staff are optimists by profession. The team sheet will look wrong without him.

Market

As if he never left: Titus Mutongoi returns

Some transfers need a press campaign. This one needed a shirt with the old number on it. Titus Mutongoi is a Bidco United player again, and the town has its story of the summer.

Squad

Simon Munala in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Player ratings

Christopher Raila runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 21. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

Match

A bad afternoon for Bidco United against Kenya Police

1‑3 to Kenya Police, and no complaints worth printing. The performance asked for nothing more than it got.

Market

Martin Karisa attracts admirers

The name of Martin Karisa has come up in conversations Bidco United were not part of. Nothing formal, nothing signed — but nothing about it accidental either.

Squad

The manager makes an example of Pentjie Zulu

“If you cannot run for the shirt, somebody else will wear it.” No name was used and none was needed; every player in that room knew who it was for.

Boardroom

111% of the income goes out in wages at Bidco United

Every club in football pays most of what it earns to its players. Paying nearly all of it is a different arrangement, and it has ended the same way every time somebody has tried it.

In brief

154 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

9 Jul 2029
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Thomas Wainaina asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Squad

Akbar Tanjung keeps the receipts

“I remember the meeting. I remember exactly what was promised in it.” Bidco United may remember it differently, which is precisely the problem.

Squad

Steve Hoffman stays put

“The easiest signature of my career.” Steve Hoffman and Bidco United agree another 2 years, and the manager can plan around him rather than about him.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Thomas Wainaina was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Squad

Clinton Asiago out for 66 days

The medical room confirms 66 days on the sidelines for Clinton Asiago, and a plan built around him now has to be rebuilt.

Match

Klinsman Omulanga sends Bidco United past Mathare United

It finished 2‑1, and it was Klinsman Omulanga’s afternoon: on the scoresheet when it mattered, and the reason the points belong to Bidco United.

Player ratings

One of those days for Klinsman Omulanga

There is a version of this player everybody suspected was in there, and on this evidence it is. 8.21, and no argument anywhere in the ground.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Sello Jaftha

Successful dribbles: 15. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

Market

Simon Munala linked with a move away

The name of Simon Munala keeps appearing in other people's back pages. Bidco United say nothing, which says plenty.

In brief

153 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

2 Jul 2029
From our football correspondent Crisis

Match

Bidco United are in real trouble now

Position 17, 17 points, and a fixture list with fewer games left in it than excuses. The arithmetic is not cruel yet, but it has stopped being kind.

Market

Klinsman Omulanga puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Match

6 matches without a win for Bidco United

The run now stands at 6, and the questions being asked around Bidco United are no longer polite ones.

Market

Only the photograph left for Clinton Asiago

Fee agreed, terms agreed, medical booked. Clinton Asiago will be somebody else’s player by the weekend, and around Bidco United the goodbyes have quietly begun.

Squad

Steve Hoffman stays put

“The easiest signature of my career.” Steve Hoffman and Bidco United agree another 2 years, and the manager can plan around him rather than about him.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Simon Munala was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Match

Kariobangi Sharks take the points off Bidco United

Beaten 1‑2, and beaten fairly. The manager kept his words short afterwards, which was probably wise.

Market

Kariobangi Sharks expected to open talks for Martin Karisa

Both sides expect a conversation in the coming days. Bidco United will name a price, and everything after that is arithmetic.

Squad

The manager makes an example of Daniel Kakai

“If you cannot run for the shirt, somebody else will wear it.” No name was used and none was needed; every player in that room knew who it was for.

In brief

151 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

18 Jun 2029
From our football correspondent Crisis

Market

Emmanuel Lwangu puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Match

4 matches without a win for Bidco United

The run now stands at 4, and the questions being asked around Bidco United are no longer polite ones.

Squad

Thomas Wainaina in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Squad

The manager makes an example of Pentjie Zulu

“If you cannot run for the shirt, somebody else will wear it.” No name was used and none was needed; every player in that room knew who it was for.

Match

A bad afternoon for Bidco United against KCB

0‑1 to KCB, and no complaints worth printing. The performance asked for nothing more than it got.

Boardroom

The numbers do not look good at Bidco United

Wages have outrun income and the accountants have started attending meetings they used to send apologies to. Ambition comes second in a season like this.

Squad

Emmanuel Lwangu knocks on the manager’s door

“Thirty minutes, door closed, everything said. We shook hands after.” Whatever was in the room stayed in the room, and Emmanuel Lwangu trained the next morning like a man with less to carry.

The terraces

The spotlight tightens on Steve Hoffman

Every touch is being weighed now, in print and everywhere else. Some players grow into that and some are quietly ruined by it, and nobody knows which in advance.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Sello Jaftha

Successful dribbles: 12. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

In brief

150 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

11 Jun 2029
From our football correspondent Crisis

Market

Thomas Wainaina puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

Steve Hoffman keeps Bidco United in it on his own

Some afternoons a goalkeeper is the team. 7 saves, several of them the sort nobody expects to see stopped, and a scoreline that flatters everybody in front of him.

Squad

Simon Munala in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Sello Jaftha

Successful dribbles: 21. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

Squad

Bidco United count the cost of losing Clinton Asiago

94 days, the scan says, and scans are kinder than reality. The fixtures in that window have just become somebody else’s job.

Match

A bad afternoon for Bidco United against Shabana

1‑2 to Shabana, and no complaints worth printing. The performance asked for nothing more than it got.

Market

Kariobangi Sharks join the queue for Martin Karisa

Add another name to the list: Kariobangi Sharks have asked the question everybody in the game has been asking about Martin Karisa. The answer from Bidco United has not changed — yet.

Squad

The manager makes an example of Edwin Jumba

“If you cannot run for the shirt, somebody else will wear it.” No name was used and none was needed; every player in that room knew who it was for.

The terraces

The spotlight tightens on Elly Saenyi

Every touch is being weighed now, in print and everywhere else. Some players grow into that and some are quietly ruined by it, and nobody knows which in advance.

In brief

148 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

28 May 2029
From our football correspondent Steady

Market

Pentjie Zulu asks to leave Bidco United

“I have given everything here and I need a new challenge.” The request is formal, and the relationship will never be quite the same again.

Squad

Thomas Wainaina in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Squad

Steve Hoffman gets it from the manager

“Nobody here is above being told.” It was not said with a name attached, but the dressing room can count, and so can everybody who was listening.

Match

Bandari take the points off Bidco United

Beaten 0‑1, and beaten fairly. The manager kept his words short afterwards, which was probably wise.

Boardroom

Wages eat 95% of everything Bidco United earn

There is a figure at which a wage bill stops being ambitious and becomes the reason nothing else is possible, and this club has reached it. Nothing is left over for a transfer, a stand or a rainy afternoon.

Player ratings

Sello Jaftha runs at them all day

Successful dribbles: 14. There is a particular sort of despair on a full-back's face by the seventieth minute, and it was on display.

Squad

Elly Saenyi knocks on the manager's door

“It had gone on long enough. I would rather have it out than leave it sitting there.” Ten minutes behind a closed door at Bidco United, and both men came out saying it was fine.

Player ratings

Elly Saenyi leaves them behind him

Shots: 11. Goals: none. The chances were there and they were good ones, and they went into the stand, the goalkeeper's arms and the side netting in roughly that order.

Market

The Thomas Wainaina question follows Bidco United around

Every press conference now starts and ends the same way: with Thomas Wainaina’s future. The manager has run out of new ways to say nothing.

In brief

143 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

23 Apr 2029
From our football correspondent Crisis

Market

Michael Bodo puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

Simon Munala in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Match

Nairobi United take the points off Bidco United

Beaten 1‑3, and beaten fairly. The manager kept his words short afterwards, which was probably wise.

Squad

Steve Hoffman gets it from the manager

“Nobody here is above being told.” It was not said with a name attached, but the dressing room can count, and so can everybody who was listening.

Squad

Steve Hoffman lets one through his hands

A defender's mistake gets tidied up by somebody else; a goalkeeper's ends up in the net. He knew before the ball crossed the line, and so did everybody in the ground.

Boardroom

Bidco United counting the cost

The accounts make uncomfortable reading. Wages first and ambition second is the order of business at Bidco United now.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Baboucarr Jatta

Successful dribbles: 14. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

Squad

Emmanuel Lwangu asks for a word with the manager

“I would rather say it to his face than read about it.” The meeting was requested by the player, which tells you most of what you need to know.

The terraces

Everybody has an opinion about Thomas Wainaina

He is the name in every column and on every phone-in, which is a heavy thing to carry at any age. Some footballers thrive on it; others are quietly finished by it.

In brief

141 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

9 Apr 2029
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Emmanuel Lwangu puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

A one-man rearguard from Steve Hoffman

There were 6 saves in it, and at least three that had no business being saves at all. The ten outfield players owe him a drink and they know it.

Market

Only the photograph left for Clinton Asiago

Fee agreed, terms agreed, medical booked. Clinton Asiago will be somebody else’s player by the weekend, and around Bidco United the goodbyes have quietly begun.

Squad

Simon Munala in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Player ratings

A masterclass from Sello Jaftha

Marked 8.96 — the sort of number a correspondent writes down twice to be sure. Everything he tried came off, and what he did not try was not worth trying.

Player ratings

Christopher Raila in the eights

A performance of 8.96 does not come along often, and when it does the rest of the team becomes scenery. He was magnificent.

Match

Bidco United get the job done against Tusker

A 2‑0 win over Tusker, earned rather than given, and the sort of afternoon that sends everyone home talking about next week instead of this one.

Player ratings

One of those days for Prince Ndubuisi

There is a version of this player everybody suspected was in there, and on this evidence it is. 8.63, and no argument anywhere in the ground.

Player ratings

A defender's afternoon for Edwin Jumba

Defensive actions: 19. He was first to everything and second to nothing, and the goalkeeper had an easy day because of it.

In brief

140 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

2 Apr 2029
From our football correspondent Crisis

Match

The wait goes on for Bidco United

12 without a win now, and the ground has developed the special quiet of a crowd that expects the worst. One scrappy 1-0 would cure most of it; that is the maddening part.

Market

Pentjie Zulu puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Simon Munala was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Match

Bidco United come up short against Ulinzi Stars

Ulinzi Stars left with the points after a 0‑2 defeat that will take some explaining on the terraces.

Squad

No hiding place for Elly Saenyi

“I pick players who do the work. All of it.” No name was spoken; every camera still turned to Elly Saenyi, and the manager let it.

Boardroom

Wages eat 93% of everything Bidco United earn

There is a figure at which a wage bill stops being ambitious and becomes the reason nothing else is possible, and this club has reached it. Nothing is left over for a transfer, a stand or a rainy afternoon.

The terraces

The spotlight tightens on Steve Hoffman

Every touch is being weighed now, in print and everywhere else. Some players grow into that and some are quietly ruined by it, and nobody knows which in advance.

Squad

Michael Bodo is not saying it is over

“Ask me in the summer. I will know before anybody else does.” He is 37 with 105 appearances behind him, and Bidco United have to plan for both answers.

Boardroom

$6.1K a year onto the Bidco United books

A new partner, a signature and a photograph nobody will remember. It funds a fortnight of wages, which is more than most headlines on this page can say for themselves.

In brief

135 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

26 Feb 2029
From our football correspondent Uneasy

Market

Michael Bodo hands in a written request

“I have nothing bad to say about this place. I just need to be somewhere else.” It is in writing now, which changes what Bidco United can pretend not to have heard.

Match

The wait goes on for Bidco United

7 without a win now, and the ground has developed the special quiet of a crowd that expects the worst. One scrappy 1-0 would cure most of it; that is the maddening part.

Squad

Steve Hoffman out for 30 days

The medical room confirms 30 days on the sidelines for Steve Hoffman, and a plan built around him now has to be rebuilt.

Squad

Simon Munala in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Player ratings

Nobody could get near Sello Jaftha

Successful dribbles: 21. Every time he got the ball somebody had to make a decision, and every time the decision was wrong.

Player ratings

Prince Ndubuisi stands above it all

Some games turn on a moment; this one turned on a man. 7.77 on the card, and the Bidco United support went home talking about one name.

Squad

No hiding place for Daniel Kakai

“I pick players who do the work. All of it.” No name was spoken; every camera still turned to Daniel Kakai, and the manager let it.

Boardroom

Bidco United counting the cost

The accounts make uncomfortable reading. Wages first and ambition second is the order of business at Bidco United now.

Match

Bidco United and Mara Sugar cancel each other out

Nil-nil, and few chances worth the name. Mara Sugar came to defend and left with exactly what they came for.

In brief

131 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

29 Jan 2029
From our football correspondent Crisis

Market

Michael Bodo hands in a written request

“I have nothing bad to say about this place. I just need to be somewhere else.” It is in writing now, which changes what Bidco United can pretend not to have heard.

Squad

Bidco United lose Steve Hoffman

61 days, the medical staff say, and medical staff are optimists by profession. The team sheet will look wrong without him.

Squad

Simon Munala in a row with a teammate

It was not about football and everybody who saw it knows that. Two men who have to play together on Saturday said things at Bidco United this week that will take longer than a week to unsay.

Market

Mathare United expected to open talks for Douglas Ochoko

Both sides expect a conversation in the coming days. Bidco United will name a price, and everything after that is arithmetic.

Market

Bidco United buy the years ahead of Pejman Hosseini

He is 18, and the scouting reports agree on the only line that matters: the ceiling. Signings like this are lottery tickets written by professionals.

Squad

Pejman Hosseini signs on for more

“Some decisions take a long time. This one took ten minutes, and most of that was finding a pen.” Pejman Hosseini and Bidco United agree another 3 years.

In brief

127 Edition

The Bidco United Herald

1 Jan 2029
From our football correspondent Crisis

Market

Francis Chege puts it in writing

“This is not anger. I have thought about it for months, and nothing that has happened lately changed my mind.” The request is on a desk at Bidco United, and it is not being withdrawn.

Squad

Bidco United count the cost of losing Steve Hoffman

90 days, the scan says, and scans are kinder than reality. The fixtures in that window have just become somebody else’s job.

Squad

Tempers go at Bidco United

Thomas Wainaina was at the centre of it, and by the time it was pulled apart there were three or four others involved. Training grounds are small places and long seasons make them smaller.

Boardroom

Bidco United counting the cost

The accounts make uncomfortable reading. Wages first and ambition second is the order of business at Bidco United now.

Squad

Elly Saenyi knocks on the manager’s door

“Thirty minutes, door closed, everything said. We shook hands after.” Whatever was in the room stayed in the room, and Elly Saenyi trained the next morning like a man with less to carry.

Squad

David Obasanjo gets it from the manager

“Nobody here is above being told.” It was not said with a name attached, but the dressing room can count, and so can everybody who was listening.

In brief